Ask and it is Given… Listen to what your heart says
I had recently raised a donation request on social media to support my father- in -law, who is suffering from cancer for the past two years. In the process, I came across a wonderful lady, who offered to support my crusade against cancer by helping me in raising funds to help my father-in-law by whatever possible means she could.
Over the period, we developed a lovely bond, wherein I updated her that I would be going to be a father soon. As she is a corporate trainer and a licensed NLP coach and practitioner, she had planned a session on “Parenting or Kidding”. She invited me for the session too so that I could also sharpen my axes before donning the mantle of parenthood.
I am inquisitive by nature and since my early childhood, it had been my passion to learn about different facets of the parent-child relationship. I accepted the invitation joyfully and went to attend the same on April 26, 2019. What an eye-opening day it was for me!
It was a beautiful friday evening and I was all geared up to learn more and seek more, after my office hours. As I had sought, the session was power packed with a lot of knowledge-sharing and self-realization. After the session, I realized that the knowledge which I have gained must be shared as it would deeply enrich and empower the people and it would open a new window for them in the realm of parent-child equation and relation.
Very humbly, I would like to state that I am not a certified parenting coach but a keen learner and observer on the subject. Here, I am presenting my views based on this amazing session & my own knowledge and perceptions over the past many years. All these experiences would be covered in three write-ups, wherein my perspectives would be presented on this beautiful and blessed bond. What I have understood is that the relation between a parent and its child is just like a roller coaster ride. buckle-Up and let us ride along!
Presenting herewith Phase -1.
Muh se NA, Na nikale – A famous dialogue from an old bollywood movie, which still holds true for all situations of life.
Don’t you think parenting is a lifetime degree course and no responsible parent would like to fail in it, Right? So, let’s understand where the gap lies and why as a parent, we need to learn more and correct ourselves before we try to correct our child. I came across certain hard-core facts during the session which we must acknowledge and practice daily so that we could make our world a better place to live in and where a child could breathe more peacefully and joyfully.
Some hard-hitting Facts:
It was quite astonishing to know that a simple ‘No’ could be so damaging both emotionally and mentally to all of us. It kills more dreams than any other challenge in the world. And certainly, no parent would want to do that with their kid. Ignorance is the biggest curse. It’s when you repetitively say ‘NO’ to your child for whatever reasons, your child’s mental retardation starts. The irony is that not only mental and emotional retardation starts, but the blame game also starts in the house. We blame everybody but not ourselves. It has been discovered that low self-esteem in anybody; whether a child or a parent is one of the most dangerous outcomes of so many No’s. No one is perfect. Accept the fact…
According to a survey conducted in the USA, a male kid hears ‘NO’ from its parents almost 1,48,000+ times in his life whereas for a female kid you may just double the figure. In the Indian context, the situation is more alarming, and it goes up to even 4-10 times of that.
Shocking!!! Isn’t it? Try to recollect, since your childhood, how many times did you hear it from your parents until now? Or till now, how many times you have said this to your child?
(Pause for a minute and reflect on it, as it’s the real burning issue and if you think and act about it seriously from now onwards, it can save you and your child many years of trouble ahead.
Another shocker which I came across the session is the false pretension of freedom i.e. A nuclear family concept. Nowadays, many young people feel and think that freedom lies in living alone and being self-reliant as there would be no restrictions on food, clothes, sleep, hygiene and they can live life on their own terms. But the reality is quite different;
There is nobody to
wake you up on time,
help you out for setting the right food habits,
help you out to understand the importance of spirituality in life,
help you out in daily chores,
help you in grooming your kids,
listen to your kids,
help your kids to understand the reality of life and how to deal with growing age challenges.
Its indeed the time to Reflect, Think and Act…
The most important realization was how drastically our mood swings impact our children. Whether we are angry, happy or sad, the children experience or reflect the same. Your child replicates the same emotions and mental state you are in, the same way your cells replicated to make the whole body of your child. The sub-conscious of your child grasps whatever you present or show before him or her. Simply to say, happiness manifests happiness and anger manifests anger. The important question here is what you want to inculcate in your child?
Now, its high time to think, decide and act…
What qualities you want to ingrain in your child is up to you… anger, rage, bad attitude or the best of the best lifestyle by being happy while facing any emotional, financial, or relationship challenge. Life is beautiful. Let it be what it intends to be.
The biggest challenge we are facing today is how to cope up with the challenges our children are facing while growing up. In this age of social media, tremendous pressure is being surmounted upon them. It is getting difficult for them to handle family, school, college, societal and most prominent being the peer pressure. Here, lies the responsibility of both the parent and the teacher to tackle the issues sensitively and sensibly so that the child does not bog down under these pressures. It is a collective and joint effort. Proper counseling sessions should be conducted among the child, parents, and teachers so that common issues could be understood amicably and in the interest of the child.
It is the same as constructing a beautiful building. If the foundation of the building is strong enough, it would last longer and pay rich dividends. Most crucial age is from 0-12 years, where the child’s brain develops to the fullest, out of which the foundation years are 0-7 years. We all know that “children are our future”, let’s build them compassionately and cohesively.
“Give me a child until he is 7 and I will show you the man.” - Aristotle
It’s been wonderfully said that the family that works together, eats together and prays together, stays together. Build beautiful memories for your children by being part of their even smallest activities. Give them your time, not the gadgets. Build them holistically.
With deep gratitude to the amazing speakers and the lovely lady whose name I have still not disclosed, my journey into the art of parenting has started with this astonishing piece of information, which is an absolute eye-opener and it could be useful to you too. If this write-up resonates with your heart somewhere, stay tuned for my next articles, which shall be released shortly.
Happy Parenting!!!
Gaurav Gupta